you know those days...

you know those days...

ya you know them.

when everything goes wrong? when you feel like an idiot? like the "world" is out to get you? Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong?

well,

today is not one of those days.

(yesterday was)

Today. Things are swell. I suspected (which is never healthy) that today would be "one of those days..."

I love Paris today. Our love/hate relationship is leaning to the left. Nothing is better than starting your day off walking down grande boulevards with a coffee in hand, french books over shoulder, with a perfect pink sunrise behind you.

"Canadian" park-walks with a great friend, a stop at st michel for an afternoon espresso overlooking the seine...a kiss on both cheeks from my two year old when i came through the door.

Who said breaking mirrors is bad luck? I broke mine yesterday, and convinced myself I was done with.

Tomorrow is written, although I am not the author. It could bring me more tears, but for now I will embrace today.

I now end the day with vanilla candles, and a cup of vanilla tea.

I re kindled my love with E.E Cummings lastnight. I leave you with my favorite poem of his.

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in

my heart) i am never without it (anywhere

i go you go, my dear, and whatever is done

by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear

no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want

No world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; Which grows

higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

It Is You.

I came to hear you, and what you have to say.

and i continue to shut my ears.

continue to substitute the world.

that you carry.

This world has control on most

I ran away to find your control.

and yet my path sits on earth.

your shoulders.

There is a fine line between what is you

what is theirs.

who-I-am, and what I belong to.

I could run forever here-

and although I become tired and weary,

It is you who continues to carry me.

A Fresh Start.

I never thought it was possible to experience so much in under four months...

The UK was a whirlwind, to say the least. Someone on this universe did not want me going. A ticket change, a major breakdown, 300 dollars, an unexistant wake up call from my alarm clock...racing down the cold street at 530AM on Christmas Eve.

You could spot me in a panic running down the street. Cursing Santa Claus. Barefoot. (Wrong Shoes).

I made it to charles de gaulle for the second time, barely.

My flight was delayed and a lonely boy found me and decided I was his new best friend.

Politics was his subject of choice...

screaming at me "are you proud of your country?" infront of the entire airplane...

analyzing his poetry that he suddenly brought to my attention which consisted of poems about black cats, boots, and what do you know...politics.

I ran away from him at Luton to the tune of "have yourself a merry christmas."

The english countryside is like a fairytale. My Christmas was a fairytale after the nightmare before christmas...no joke intended.

Who knew I would be spending it in a beautiful white home in the middle of a beautiful festive town with some of my best friends in Europe?

The holiday consisted of constant laughter due to the lovely grand parents who stayed along with us. I will quote them until I die!

London was beautiful, and rushed.

I barely had time to breathe and take in what it had to offer. I guess that is an excuse to go back...

I have had the house to myself in Paris since I came home. This is the first time in my entire life...that I have been alone for so long. I know what you are thinking...

It has been a cool experience living alone. Cooking for only yourself...going to sleep in a big empty house.

New Years was another story.

Champs was beautiful and a once in a lifetime experience (filled with creeps)....

Dancing to "show me your love" at a house party on a big red carpet with parisiens was the most fun I have had in awhile...it turned out to be a great way to ring in 2010.

Tomorrow the family comes home. I wake up to them most likely...and reality sets back in. (Sort Of)....I feel like I am never in reality here. More like a constant dream.

I feel like I feel my old self slipping away more these days- something in me is changing but I cant figure out what.

Coming back to Canada scares the hell out of me sometimes. I am scared people wont recognize me or something. I feel like I wont know myself.

I ache for the prairies sometimes however...for that peace.

Resolutions start on Monday and I tend to keep them this year.

I can now look forward to February when I run off to Amsterdam and Ireland...

Until then, stay warm.

Drink massive amounts of tea.

Day Dream- make those dreams reality...

and keep the peace!

Forever,

A hippy at heart.