MAY

My trip to the french riviera was a once in a lifetime type thing. I fell in love with train stations, I think they are so romantic. I hopped on my train in Paris across from two old french birds who gossiped about everyone on the train with slanty eyes. I got amusement out of this. I realized that the French countryside looks like Saskatchewan but with a twist. I could not beleive all of the canola fields here. I tried very hard to pretend I was back in Saskatchewan while driving past them- but the fact that I was on a train always through me off balance. I doubt any trains through Saskatchewan would have class seating if you know what I mean...

When we came to the Sea I was again amazed at how blue and grand it is. Stretches of blue and green- white sailboats and yachts in the backround. Luxury like I have never seen before. I found it easy to find our apartment from the train station. I received a little map from my french dad as to how to get there. I love walking with a suitcase in a strange city. It mean something is about to switch-and soon you will experience new things.

From Antibes, I visited Cannes the next day. I saw the red carpet for the film festival, handprints of celebrities, the carlton hotel, the old city, and spent the rest of the day at the beach. The next day I travelled to Nice which was not as easy as Cannes. Like a crazy person I got off the train at the wrong stop. I had to walk into Nice which took about two hours...guessing my way the entire time. A little old french lady found me rattled waiting for a bus (which was never coming) and offered to take me to the train station. She spoke not one single word of English, I would be surprised if she knew "hello." The conversation (and pace) was dreadful. Half the time I had no idea what she was saying so I would respond with a "oui, ahhh oui" and laugh alot. I probably laughed when she told me her cat just died or something... Nice is beautiful though and would like to go back with more time and perhaps a map...

I spent alot of time alone at the french riviera. It was nice but my mind really started to take me. I was very emotional there- for many different reasons. I thought about home alot, the people I miss. My time in Paris and the time I have left. What I go home to. So many things. Its funny when you have no one to talk to- how much you talk to yourself.

My Cousin came to visit me on thursday. I mett her at a train station. It was fun to be the one to wait for someone to get off a train to come and see you. I get so happy when I see someone from my 'old life' i guess you could say. Family especially! We had such a great time...laughing and not caring about money. I had never been so rich in Paris for two days with the help of our familys money. It was one of the best times I have had in Paris. Full of laughing and memories and love! Not to mention late date night with french waiters taking tequila shots after the restaurant closed on champs elysees.

I am at a point now in my time as an au pair when I can say I am very ready to be finished this job. Living with a family that you are not actually a part of is a very strange experience. Not be mention who you work for as well. I love my kids here, I actually love them. They are so so special to me and get emotional thinking about leaving them. I need more freedom. I need to feel like I can be myself in a home that I live in. I do not like perfection, and I always strive to be just that.

I look so forward to freedom in Europe. I have six weeks left as an au pair. It seems like forever. I think because I can start to see the finish line in a distance which makes me want to just reach out and grab it and be done. You Know?

A Bientot,

La.

TGIS

Bois Du Boulogne. My heart lies there in those woods. A forest that runs through Paris, filled with tall old trees and liesurely Parisians. The thing I like best about this place is how it is real. Paris is full of wonderful parks yes...however they are cut and trimmed and to perfect to actually be considered real. Bois Du Boulogne is tall grass and old flowers. Weeds and insects. Over flowing trees with long healthy branches who intertwine with one another.

You can see me there, having a picnic. Reading "Eat Pray Love," or my Paris 2010 tourist book. For those of you who do not know Paris. The 16th is the most prim and proper area in Paris. Filled with tall gorgeous white apartments and quiet streets. Women who do not try to hard- but still manage to look amazing. The 16th is my dream world.

Last Sunday I woke up early and fled to the 7th. The 7th is the Eiffel tower area. Quiet yet exciting. Rich and touristy and filled with space. I walked from Champs Elysees to my favorite street in Paris. This street is parallel to the Seine, across from the Eiffel tower with old trees towering over you like a canopy. I could not be happier walking in the sunshine on a sunday down this street. True Bliss! I picnic at the Champ de Mars before I have to race off to the Notre Dame to meet my friends for the best Fallafels in Paris in the Marais.

I have been experimenting with cooking, and planting a garden. Two things I am uncertain of and yet have always wanted to experiment with. I now know one of my favorite things in life is planting flowers. Sitting in the dirt with a sun cascading down on you as you dig into the Earth to plant something so beautiful! Flowers are another love of mine. I appreciate flowers much more since living in France. So many flower stands. Flowers are a daily pleasure to most Parisians. In Canada it seems you buy flowers for things such as Birthdays and Holidays. Here you buy flowers because..."why not?" They are cheap, beautiful, and a way of life.

As I write this- my head is bobbing up and down from sleep deprevasion. To tell the truth- I beleive I am writing this to help stay awake until my host parents arrive home! I can not fall asleep while I am babysitting incase Eva (my 2 year old) wakes up and I have to hold her hand until she falls back asleep. (Its true, the only way she falls asleep is by hand holding). I went out lastnight to a Cave and danced the night away to celebrate one of my good friends final night here in Paris before she heads back to Canada. Another goodbye. I will miss her.

Quick news is....my camera broke which was my second one purchased here in Europe. I am starting to get my july figured out and deciding all the places I wish to go to. I am once again a student at the University of Saskatchewan. I no longer hop Metros and have finally reloaded my Navigo card. Fact: I have yet to see ONE TRAIN POLICE MAN since reloading it. Funny...when i was illegal I saw on average one every week. My train is on strike so you can find me frantically running through the Metros trying to get home in time before they close. My french is improving and I am travelliong to Toulose next tuesday for a family vacation.

Here is to hoping they come home soon.

tgis.

far away in the sunshine are my highest inspirations.

I may not reach them,

but i can look up and see the beauty,

beleive in them

and try to follow

where they lead.

Nothings

It is starting to warm up (a bit)... Paris is looking fantastic these days. Nature is full of bright yellow trees and purple flowers. Buds and tulips. I purchased my first coffee frappucino last wednesday, and although it tasted like heaven- I do not remember them being so expensive.

I find myself in the Notre Dame area lately. Wandering with no purpose really. It is one of the farthest areas from my house and yet I continue to go. Montemarte is my lover I know now. I am meant to live there. Last saturday I met some friends on the Sacre Coure steps. It is the best view of Paris up there. Live music was playing behind us who belted out some of my favorite artists while the sun set behind Paris. Tracy Chapman, The Eagles, MGMT, and Red Hot Chili Peppers. After we said our goodbyes I visited my best friend- la tour eiffel. (On the way there I happened upon a puppet show in the metro which was quite entertaining!). I love reflecting at the eiffel tower. I sat there with my nutella crepe while reflecting and daydreaming. It then started to pour rain so I quickly (hopped) the metro and came home.

Dark chocolate is my sinful lover these days.

I never had a sweet tooth until I came to France.

I am writing a "must do list" tomorrow of things I "must do" before I leave this life here. Although it is only the first of April, I find myself constantly thinking of how it is ending soon when I still have three more months. I want to see and do everything!

My birthday was tres passionate et super! I had an Alice and Wonderland themed birthday, where of course- I played Alice. Me and my friends have a running joke of how I am "Alice" here in Paris. Always lost...and curious and full of thoughts! So. I decided to become Alice for a night and join the rest of the characters for a "tea party" at the mad hatters house. Later we went to dance, although before I could get to the discoteque I was late...late for a very important date, my own birthday. I got lost....with the queen of hearts and marche hair. We were lost in the rain with a tap dancer at our feet. We found our friends many..many steps later.

Tomorrow I am picking up my bike from the shop, and going for a long ride. Smoking shisha dans le nuit and sunday is Easter! I think Mass at Notre Dame is going to be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I can't wait! Along with a beautiful easter fondu at a friends place.

Bad news as of late is: Im sick with something terrible that will not leave me. My Computer caught a nasty virus and soon my protector expires so I will be unprotected. Although I renewed (and payed quite a large price) my subscription, I can't download it because my computer is a mess so I am out of luck. More books for me I presume! I am reading Pride and Prejudice now and I love it.

A Bientot.

La.

Spring Rain and Espresso

The smell of a spring rain is something you simply cannot describe.

My favorite smell. A smell of new beginnings and new growth, youthful and full of hope. Spring is here and so am I.

I sat outside my window tonight with a cup of espresso, enjoying life. The dim light of 19:30 and a fresh rain falling inches away from me. I sat and enjoyed life. I could smell life, taste it. My life was positive and I had nothing to complain about for that half hour with the rain. Pure joy and full of peace. I made it to Paris. I made it.

Dreams

It's not that I do not live you city, Paris. La vie d'amore. J'adore Vous. Je trouve ca belle, Paris.

Mais, But....cold dirty metros and dirty people who I want to help but do not know how- you bring me to reality. The watch on my wrist brings me to reality- the people I work for brings me to a reality I did not imagine before. Paris is not in reality, and it should not be in my reality. It's my dream and it came true. So who needs reality when you are supposed to be living in a dream?

My body is not mine, ici. It's full of sugar and lies. Full of fatigue and lack of knowing. It is full of new emotions and new memories, new loves, and new hates. I am not the same person here, and I ask myself if I will ever be the person I thought I knew before. I ask myself, are we ever the same person as time passes...

I had a conversation with an old painter by the name of Theodore up in Montemarte today. He wanted to paint out picture, we declined, and instead had a conversation in an outdoor cafe to keep him company. He was from Transelvania.

"But i do not drink blood, i drink wine. Therefor I have to pay for it."

He stands for ten hours on the street a day with no liscence to paint. He is 65 and lives in hotel alone. He is lucky if he gets two drawings done a day for 20 euros a peice. I ask him "are you happy with your life" and he says "why should I be, I came to Paris because it was my dream and now im stuck in this life living broke in a hotel alone." This got me thinking. About dreams. Are dreams worth it, and what do you do once you are living that dream?

Ireland And Barcelona

Happy 6th Month Anniversary of arriving to this strange city- aujord'hui!

I'm sorry that I do not write more. I am. So i hope this is ok. I never get enough words out on this blog- i have so much going on in my head, and so much i want to say it just never comes out right. So i tend to dumb things down into short sentences so you do not end up readIing a novel (which normally happens when i write anyway).

February was a crazy month.

The family I live with left to the Olympics so I had the house to myself for a week. Those days consisted of cooking, and living freely. I took a tour of Montmarte alone one day, watched a painter paint a young girl. It was amazing to actually have the time to stand there behind the artist, and watch her portrait be painted. I never have time like that here. I soaked up everything that day. I ended with Sacre Cour. Overlooking Paris- such an amazing view up there. It is a great place to reflect on life and a good place to dream.

The Merais became my best friend during that week. Getting lost in tiny streets with my ipod blasting my favorite music. No watch on my wrist.

I left for Ireland on a friday morning- 5AM. A lone walk down my long hill. Birds chirping! Waiting for the first train in the cold to take me to the bus station.

The best part about Ireland was the bus from Dublin to Cork. The first thing I did when I arrived. How amazing it was to drive through the green hills and fields. Such a breath of fresh air from Paris. I honestly forgot what it was like to see the sky meet land. Along the way we stopped in tiny villages and I experienced the 'real Ireland' up close. It helped I had the 'PS I love you' soundtrack on my Ipod (haha) i guess im a hopeless romantic.

Ireland was amazing. So nice to see my good friend Robyn from Saskatoon. I stayed and partied with Medical Students that week. Attended my first chili-cook-off! Kissed the Blarney stone, and made a wish. Walked up and down the witches steps and made another wish. Sat ontop a hill in Cork overlooking the city in the sun. Drank Guiness at 'sober lane' and danced to the macareena in the middle of the pub. Walked to a Lake.Took a train to COBH and pretended jack from Titanic was there awaiting me. (It was the last place the Titanic stopped at). Ate the most amazing fish and chips I have ever had by the Ocean...danced it off at a club later that night! Drank more Guiness.

It really was a fantastic trip. Full of Nature, and good fun. A word I would use to describe Ireland would be "magical."

After travelling for 12 hours that day back to Paris...it ended with a face-to-face encounter with the 'train police' and me screaming "i hate paris" to them. Lets say i was not ready to come back....i really hate the train police here though.

I slept the next day away seeing as how I did not get much in Ireland. Later that day my friend Kate came over to spend the night, seeing as we were leaving for another fabulous 5AM departure the next morning to Barcelona, Spain with four other girls!

Barcelona was out of control....adventure after adventure and memory after memory. It felt like heaven being able to walk around in a dress and sun glasses. The sun was so hot getting off the plane. The view was outstanding. Mountains setting the scene with a blue sky and the Meditteranean Sea in the backround! Hot air. We went for Tapa's as soon as we arrived. We checked in to our amazing hostel and had a little Siesta. Ate dinner, and walked to the beach. Barcelona was full of adventures. Walking tours, markets, fresh juices, la rambla street full of surprises, new beaches, long walks, long nights, new people, live music and new experiences! We would not go out until 1:45AM, which is usually when im coming in. We became regulars at the absenth bar down the street from our hostel which was always full of new encounters with crazy spanish, american, and italian people! Experiencing Gaudi's architecture in person was breath-taking and very inspiring. During a walking tour we took part it, we won these free cars to take around the city for a few hours....on the last day in Barcelona we decided to take the plunge, and drive!

It felt so weird driving again....the cars we had drove like motorcycles so everything was done with your hands. Me and Alex (an australian girl we met) shared a car. The beginning was basically us screaming at the top of our lungs the entire time. They were mini- convertables basically so if i was to make a mistake...chances of us dieing were quite high!

The cars went up to 70 mph. Sharing a main street with buses and motorcycles scared the shit out of me! In the end- we got lost driving around. Alex took the wheel and drove on the opposite side of the street due to her being Australian. We felt like celebrities. Everyone thought we looked amazing in our little yellow cars!

We met two european men one rainy morning ontop the terrace of our hostel. They decided to put on a little show for us with their flutes and base. We shared this experience with a man named "jesus" who lived in "heaven," which we all quite liked.

Our room was great apart from an irish man who happened to sleep next to me. He would start off the day taking shots at 10Am and would be plastered from morning to morning basically. He snored like no other person, and smelt like hell. I loved him. Highlite of the trip forsure, my favorite was how no one could understand a word he said.

We didnt sleep the last night. Went out to "Razzmatazz" which is the biggest club in Barcelona. Danced the night away on a platform and left around 5AM. Me and Alex could not find the exit to the night ended with us putting up the biggest fuss to the security guard who finally was so sick of us let us enter through the 'red rope' entrance to leave. On the way out the scariest spanish men tried to grab us and we flung ourselves into the first cab we saw, meanwhile screaming at the top of our lungs all the way down the street with no shoes on! We somehow ended up in a hallway with a bunch of people from around the world at our hostel and waited for the rest of the girls to come home so we could catch our 8Am flight.

Now im back in Paris and everything is back to normal. My friends are throwing me an "Alice and Wonderland" themed birthday next saturday. I'm Alice! And it is going to be wonderful. I was supposed to be coming back to Canada on March 26th, but im not ready, and neither is Canada.

I hope your all well, and I have plenty of stories to tell in more detail so feel free to ask me. I miss you all and Love you all.

Amsterdam here I come.